So I had my beautiful niece Emani for just about a full week, 6 days and 5 nights. If you follow me on social media then you already know that I babysit her from time to time, because it literally takes a village. That being said, when my sister told me she was going on vacation, and she needed me to watch the baby all week, we thought it would be a piece of cake. WRONG!
Girllllll when I tell you the first couple of nights she cried and cried and gave me a run for my money. I haven’t been this exhausted since I was exclusively breastfeeding Joshua every two hours around the clock. It confirmed what I already knew, but people don’t seem to believe. I do not want any more kids. DONE. There is no way I can go back to this stage after almost seven years of giving birth to my second son Joshua.
Now she isn’t at that stage where she needs feeding through the night, I am guessing it was just the fact that she had never slept without her Mom before and she had never spent all day and night without seeing her parents. I think she was confused. Like, why am I here all damn day and night? I love y’all but where are my parents?
I was having a conversation at lunch with my friend recently and his bestie had twins. So everyone at the table asked the usual questions about the babies and gushed over their pictures. And I waited until everyone was done, and asked, “Is she happy?” And you know what his response was, “no one ever asks that.”
We get so caught up in the babymoon phase, that we forget that these women need to be checked on too. Besides their physical well-being, we need to ask new moms about their mental health as well. Scratch that, we need to ask Moms, new and otherwise, on a regular basis how they are doing. Like really doing. I mean sit down conversation, and really look into their eyes so that they understand you want the real tea, not the “i’m fine, everyone is fine,” shit they think people want to hear. That my friends is the biggest deterrent of me having another baby, I wouldn’t be happy. I know I would be blessed to give birth and all that stuff, but my mental and emotional health would suffer. It would be too much for me to juggle, even though the boys are older and can help out. Knowing your limit is a wonderful thing. To be honest with you, most days are a struggle for me now, why would I add more pressure to this mix?
There are still so many things I have yet to achieve and going back to the drawing board on Motherhood, selfish to say, would set me back. Whether we want to say it out loud or not, being a Mom comes with great sacrifice. So yes I am being selfish in my 34 year old life. I am focusing on my dreams and aspirations. I am working daily to let go of my insecurities and go for it. I am making sure that at the end of the day, Karese is happy. Not just happy on the internet, truly and deeply happy.
If I am happy, I will be a better Mother. A better wife. A better person all around. So thank you Emani for spending the week with me. You have confirmed that I am right where I need to be and that’s okay. You can still come over anytime you want, because guess what? At the end of the day you will go home to your parents, and all will be well.
Ladies, it’s okay to be selfish. We need to stop letting society and our families dictate what’s right or wrong for us. It is also definitely okay to focus on you and your well being, whether you are in a relationship or single. People seem to think that once you get married, your focus becomes your husband. And while that is true, I am here to remind you to remember YOU as well.