It’s a rainy Thursday and my mood is very somber. Current location, Pennsylvania. If you are new to 3TheChicWay, I live in the Pocono Mountains, but work in New York City. I commute back and forth a couple of days a week and most weekends for work. It wasn’t always like this, I used to just work on the weekends, and have the weekdays off to be home with the kids.
At the end of 2018, my career started to pick up. I am a Black Woman in Media, working on the technical side of television production in the Control Room for PBS. While I entered this business thinking I was going to be a music video director, my career has taken a different path. Don’t get me wrong I am beyond grateful for where I am now, and where I see my future going. As a freelancer, you have to strike while the iron is hot. I’m hot right now. What that means is I am not home as often for the kids during the week. Enter Mommy guilt.
For instance, today was my only day off this week. The first time I’ve been home in PA, this week. The first time I’ve seen the boys (in-person), this week. I know that I am busting my literal ass for the betterment of my family and the future of the boys. It makes sense when you look at the bigger picture, but when you are in the moment it can be so emotionally draining. I am commuting to the confusion of many and chasing my dreams so my kids can have a shot of way more than I was exposed to. While their counterparts are guaranteed chances based on their last name and their family’s income, they can literally buy their way to the top. We are not afforded those same opportunities. I for sure was not afforded any such opportunity. I am a first generation college graduate and there wasn’t a silver spoon in sight!
I saw a meme on Instagram the other day that read: “We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.” I know when I was not working as frequently, things were in order. When I come home one day a week like this, I don’t have time to do everything in the house and spend time with the kids. On the other hand, when I was not working as frequently, I was not happy. How do we find the balance?
Tomorrow I commute back to the city for a huge shoot with HBO, that I can’t discuss because I signed an NDA. Top it all off with working both Saturday and Sunday. The kids will be in the care of their Grandparents and I Thank God for the support I have with childcare. At the end of the day, to all my Moms out there, we have to keep our happiness alive. Whether that’s working, staying home, or everything in between, we can’t forget about ourselves. Everything I prayed for professionally is happening for me. I justify the time away from the boys with the fact that they are a little older now, they understand what I am doing.
How do you all deal with your Motherhood Guilt? Drop a line below and let me know your tips!