What Do We Expect From Women?

What To Do With Kids During A Snowstorm

It’s a rainy Thursday and my mood is very somber. Current location, Pennsylvania. If you are new to 3TheChicWay, I live in the Pocono Mountains, but work in New York City. I commute back and forth a couple of days a week and most weekends for work. It wasn’t always like this, I used to just work on the weekends, and have the weekdays off to be home with the kids.

Motherhood Lessons I've Learned
A Throwback of Caleb’s First Day of Preschool

At the end of 2018, my career started to pick up. I am a Black Woman in Media, working on the technical side of television production in the Control Room for PBS. While I entered this business thinking I was going to be a music video director, my career has taken a different path. Don’t get me wrong I am beyond grateful for where I am now, and where I see my future going. As a freelancer, you have to strike while the iron is hot. I’m hot right now. What that means is I am not home as often for the kids during the week. Enter Mommy guilt.

Working Mom, Motherhood Guilt
The Boys & I

For instance, today was my only day off this week. The first time I’ve been home in PA, this week. The first time I’ve seen the boys (in-person), this week. I know that I am busting my literal ass for the betterment of my family and the future of the boys. It makes sense when you look at the bigger picture, but when you are in the moment it can be so emotionally draining. I am commuting to the confusion of many and chasing my dreams so my kids can have a shot of way more than I was exposed to. While their counterparts are guaranteed chances based on their last name and their family’s income, they can literally buy their way to the top. We are not afforded those same opportunities. I for sure was not afforded any such opportunity. I am a first generation college graduate and there wasn’t a silver spoon in sight!

Working Mom, Motherhood Guilt
Making it all look fabulous at work!

I saw a meme on Instagram the other day that read: We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.” I know when I was not working as frequently, things were in order. When I come home one day a week like this, I don’t have time to do everything in the house and spend time with the kids. On the other hand, when I was not working as frequently, I was not happy. How do we find the balance?

Working Mom Guilt
Mom Life
Working Mom Guilt
Work Life

Tomorrow I commute back to the city for a huge shoot with HBO, that I can’t discuss because I signed an NDA. Top it all off with working both Saturday and Sunday. The kids will be in the care of their Grandparents and I Thank God for the support I have with childcare. At the end of the day, to all my Moms out there, we have to keep our happiness alive. Whether that’s working, staying home, or everything in between, we can’t forget about ourselves. Everything I prayed for professionally is happening for me. I justify the time away from the boys with the fact that they are a little older now, they understand what I am doing.

Naija Kids Fashion
3 The Chic Way

How do you all deal with your Motherhood Guilt? Drop a line below and let me know your tips!

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4 Comments

  1. Erica Henry
    March 21, 2019 / 10:15 pm

    Yassss my gyal, first generation college grad who inspired your younger siblings to shoot for the stars !!! You doing a great job my sister; the boys will understand the sacrifices once they are older. My motherhood guilt is not present as I have the luxury of working at home and spending time with my toddler, but when I started my current job, Emani was still an infant and I felt like I was missing out on those important milestones. The balance is a major key for true happiness between career and motherhood.

    • March 21, 2019 / 10:28 pm

      Thank you sooooo much! We are doing the best we can, and that’s all we can do!

  2. Kerene
    March 23, 2019 / 9:29 am

    I have recently felt this same “motherhood guilt” as a matter a fact last week. So I am usually the one to get Gabriella ready in the morning for school, “setting the tone for the day.” Lately, work has been requiring me to come in way earlier, which means I can not get Gabby dressed and off to school. Joe & I have an amazing support system; mother, father, grandmother, cousin, aunts, & brothers that are ALWAYS so eager to help. Actually sometimes we’re like no she is going to stay with us lol. But we appreciate it beyond words. We still do believe it takes a village to raise a child so we always allow the input of others to sometimes guide us on this parenting path. But going back to the “motherhood guilt” my family does an amazing job of reminding me that I am a great mother & this is not neglect. It’s simply using our resources we have. At the end of the day, Gabriella is our responsibility so she comes before all and that work as well, I understand that’s what awards us the opportunity to feed her but we also only have one life, and tomorrow is not promise to anyone. So I just have to understand that this is temporary, I am going to continue working hard to either have my own business or be in a position where the time I work supports the time my child(ren) go to school. I am not working to do the same thing next year. I am working to progress. But it’s going to be in our nature to feel guilt. Just be sure to take every open opportunity to spend time with them because sometimes they know you work but they don’t truly understand why they don’t get to see you. As least there’s some guilt feeling, there are some parents out there in which not seeing their kids are the norm and they’re okay with it!

    You’re doing something right! ♥️

    • March 24, 2019 / 11:44 am

      WOW! Thanks so much for sharing. I am a firm believer in the village, and we are grateful to have one! I can’t imagine what those who don’t have one must deal with. Thank you for reading and I appreciate your feedback and assurance!

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