I want to preface this by saying, what works for one may not work for all. This is my personal experience and doesn’t reflect anyone’s parenting choices.
I started blogging in 2013 on Tumblr to explore my creativity and share Mommy and Me fashion, things that inspire me, and interview other fly mamas I would come across online. I would dress the boys up and when we went out, I would get so many compliments on what they were wearing. It sparked an idea for me to document it. At that time my oldest was 4 and my youngest 2. It was “cute” to show them off and harass them for pictures. As times have changed, so has their style and willingness to participate in my Mamarazzi.
My kids can talk to me. I listen to them. They are now 14 and 12, and not interested in having their pictures on my page, website, and online. I must respect that. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t respect their boundaries? Now I still have pics of them, to celebrate all the milestones in their life: birthdays, basketball game footage, recitals, fly fits, and more. I am just not sharing them for the world to see. Some things need to be kept sacred. When campaigns come through my email for them to be on camera, I ask them if they want to participate, letting them know that all the earnings will be theirs to keep. They decline. Money can not and will not come before their comfort.
Bad Mind. This is a Caribbean saying for people with ill intent toward you without justification. There are millions of them online. Do you know how many people follow me just to be nosy? Maybe they know me through my in-laws, or they found my page from this one or that one talking about me. These people lurk on my stories but won’t engage with any posts. Why are you here? I am not saying I am special in any way; everyone online can relate to this. But I am protecting my kids’ energy as much as possible from it. You see me, but you can’t be seen liking my stuff because your group chat won’t like that. Do you think I am going to subject my kids to this kind of negativity? When they are just coming into their own? No ma’am. I chose to share bits and pieces of my life online, they didn’t.
We’re in an entirely new age of parenting that our parents never had to deal with. Another part of me protecting their peace is monitoring their online activity. Against many people in my family’s wishes, the boys have cell phones. They are exposed to so much at an early age and I must do my best to keep their mental health in check. Read this article if you want to learn more. What would be the point of me sharing them, but not allowing them to share themselves with their own devices? It’s a bit contradictory.
So many of you have watched my boys grow up from a distance. That genuine admiration and connection will never be lost on me. I may occasionally share them in my stories, but I’ll avoid in-feed posts for a while. Thanks for taking the time to read this post, cheers to raising amazing happy children!
100% relatable. I share what my teen says is okay in my stories, that’s it.
Author
That’s the way it has to be. I respect their boundaries!
I hear you completely!
It’s so important to parent and protect your children how YOU prefer to do so…
This was a great post and definitely gave me some validation. I don’t post my son online and don’t plan to any time soon…. And it’s perfectly ok. 🥰
Author
It definitely is perfectly okay, like you said everyone has to do what’s best for them. Appreciate you for reading!
I love that you respect them and their boundaries. They have their own thoughts and feelings that they want to express as well. Having you and their Dad as a safe space to express those things, and adhering to their requests is a beautiful thing.
Author
Thanks so much Porshe, doing our best. Appreciate you for reading!
My daughter asked for her privacy at 14 as well which I had to respect. I asked her if I could still share birthday pics which she allowed but they had to be approved by her first. Now she sends me the videos and pics she’s okay with sharing. You’re not doing anything wrong by respecting their wishes in fact you’re listening to what they have to say that more important than anything else.
Author
Yup, doing what’s best for the relationship I am trying to nurture with them. Not with people online who I barely even know.
This is so true! I will post my kids as a see fit on social media but once they decline it’s a done deal. No money or bad mind people will try to rule my children
Author
That’s all we can do, control what we can control! Thanks for reading!
Totally understand listening to them, especially as they get older, and develop stronger opinions on matters. They will remember that their concerns were taken seriously and that’s so beautiful for the mother/son dynamic.
Author
Thank you so much for saying this, because some days I am not sure that they fully understand how valuable this is. Appreciate you for reading!
The lurkers in the stories I will never understand!! These are the same reasons I stopped sharing the twins. I’ll get messages asking how they are.. they’re just fine! Just choosing to live their lives away from mama’s camera, and I’m OKAY WITH THAT. I’ll even ask their consent before posting and 8/10 times they don’t want their faces shown. It’s quite interesting they’ll choose not to be on IG but they’ll participate in a trendy TikTok here and there lol. I absolutely monitor their phones as well. As a parent we have to insert ourselves into their world to make sure they aren’t being mistreated by “friends”, using the skills taught to them about online safety, and careful of what they consume. Do you use screen time for the boys?
Author
I love the perspective of inserting ourselves, because they’re still so naive at this age (even though they would beg to differ). Yes, I am an absolute fan of screen time and downtime. Their phones aren’t able to be used past a certain time every night. Thank you so much for reading!
I fully agree with the perspective of not sharing or posting our children on social media even in seemingly harmless contexts. While they understandably still show some degree of naivety, I am keenly aware and equally worried about potential online risks. It’s scary out there! As they come into their own, we stress the importance of controlling their digital footprint.
Author
This is exactly where we are with the 14 year old, making sure he fully understands what being online means and entails. Thank you so much for reading!
I stopped sharing my teen on social media as well. I only share the toddlers on my close friends.
Author
Have to do what we have to do! Thanks for reading!