Has Motherhood Made Us Soft?

Welcome back! I should be telling myself that as well, I can’t believe my last blog post was in November. Full disclosure, 2018 was a crazy year. I got really busy in my professional career and the blog took a back-seat because of it. But I am committed to devoting a couple of days during the week to shoot content and write posts. Keep me accountable people!

I used to pride myself on being a strong person. I barely cried or showed emotion, I was tough. Since becoming a Mom, I noticed that has changed dramatically. I cry for every damn thing now. My anxiety is through the roof constantly. I have vivid dreams about things I dare not say out loud. I am in a constant state of worry about the kids and life. I can’t even tell you the last time I had a good night’s sleep, I bet it was before Motherhood.

Having kids has made me think outside myself in ways that I could have never imagined. It has definitely made me soft. As many people say, it is like your heart is beating outside of your body.

Yesterday the school called, every time I see their name on my screen, I instantly go into a state of panic. Usually, it is really for nothing, and they could have sent me an email or a message on the Class Dojo App. This time, it was an emergency. Yesterday Caleb choked on a baby carrot at lunch. They had to perform the Heimlich on him.

Oh please add a constant pang of guilt is associated with motherhood as well. I blame myself for everything that goes wrong or could go wrong with the boys. I am the one that carefully packed said baby carrots in his lunchbox. As the school nurse tells me, the lunch monitor saw Caleb struggling and called for emergency back-up on the walkie-talkie. “A child is choking.” She quickly ran to the cafeteria and did what she had to do. Thankfully, I can tell you that this story has a happy ending.

For we walk by faith, not by sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7

We always hear the stories of children choking on grapes, meatballs, etc. Luckily, everyone on hand acted quickly and Caleb is fine. He was crying on the phone, shaken up from what he had just experienced. But he is here. I am grateful every day that I get to wake up and hug and kiss my boys. Life can easily be taken for granted.

I am proud to be a softie Mom. It has made me tougher in other areas of my life. I’m curious to hear how you all have changed since Motherhood. Have you become big softies as well? Let’s chat below. Thanks so much for reading!

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