In honor of Caleb turning eight yesterday, I wanted to share eight things that I have learned since becoming a Mother. I personally can’t believe how quickly time has flown by, it’s really important to cherish the time we have when they are young.
The first thing to note is that everyone will offer you their parenting advice, whether you asked for it or not. I say at first don’t take it personally, it’s hopefully coming from a good place. Smile and nod, but tap into your instincts as well, you will be shocked to find that things will come so naturally to you. After a while, everything will be second nature to ya.
You Will Need Help, It’s Okay
There aren’t enough books in the world, YouTube videos, Google searches in the wee hours of the morning, that can prepare you for Motherhood. You will need the help of others in your tribe, and it’s okay! No need to feel guilty when asking for help. Personally, I suffer from the SUPERWOMAN syndrome, you know, I’ll do everything myself, and work myself thin until I have a breakdown. That is not the way sis, ASK FOR HELP!
I love a clean house, scratch that I need a clean house to function in life. When the house is untidy so is my brain, OCD much? But, learning to let go of my Superwoman complex, means sometimes the house will be a mess so the kids can have fun. My niece is one, and she can tear up her place all alone, so imagine what a house of two boys can look like. Thankfully now they are at an age that chores can be delegated and they can pick up after themselves. Cleaning is also therapeutic for me, I can sit back after I am done and luxuriate in a zen environment.
Discipline is a touchy subject, and I am not here to tell anyone how to raise their children. That being said; kids need to have boundaries, they need to know that bad behavior has consequences, right from wrong that sorta thing. I hate to see kids out disrespecting their parents in public or acting a fool in the store. You know throwing themselves on the floor and screaming at the top of their lungs, we have to nip that sort of thing in the bud from early on, or they will become annoying adults with no home training.
This can also play into having an opinion, but specifically what I mean is judging children based on the parenting skills, or lack thereof, due to the adults responsible for their care. Society gives parents enough guilt and we all know how hard parenting can be, let’s not judge how anyone chooses to raise their kids. If your advice is solicited, then feel free to let them have it, otherwise, silence is best. Also, please stop comparing children, it festers a self-esteem problem in the kids that cannot be healthy.
Everyone always says raising boys is easier. But I am here to say when it comes to making sure that they are emotionally balanced, I struggle. On one end, you play into they have to be strong, they will be men. On the other hand, I want them to be comfortable being vulnerable, without being for lack of a better word soft. Because if I’m being honest, this world is not kind to young black boys, so I fear sending them into a cruel world without being emotionally prepared for it. A part of me will always want to scoop them up into my arms and baby them up, they will always be my babies! These Are Kids Right?
Sometimes I feel like we are way too hard on these kids. They have so many expectations to fulfill at an early age, they are low key stressed out. Recently, there have been too many suicides in young black girls as young as eleven years old. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. I don’t think I even knew what suicide meant when I was that young. We are in such a digital age now, everything can quickly be posted online to embarrass someone, kids are not equipped to deal with all that pressure. Please make sure we are talking to our kids, really understanding what they are going through. Moreover making sure we are there to support them and their emotional needs.
Girlllllllllll, you are a Mother, pat yourself on the back. That alone required giving up so much of you, your mental and emotional space, your body, everything. It has to be the hardest job in the world, with the least amount of appreciation, and you are playing 150 million roles a day! Don’t be too hard on yourself, you weren’t given an instruction manual for this journey. Please don’t compare yourself to other Mother’s and what they are doing, follow your own instincts and pray, A LOT!
I hope this post uplifts and encourages all my Chic Moms out there. Let me know what Motherhood lessons you have learned along the way, share them below. Thanks for reading, as always, stay chic!